I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
