Betty ford says i'm here all night
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
