i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
