Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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