Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
