so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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