he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Holy shit dude........stairs
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
