I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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