I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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