i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
