***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
