Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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