Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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