how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
