he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
