Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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