Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
