i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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