that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
