i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
