Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize