i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
