It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
