The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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