??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She's the barista slut.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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