I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
