i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
