I think I am morally bankrupt
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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