Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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