I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
