You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
