I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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