final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
