You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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