Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Semen is not good for contacts.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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