Nicole vs. Life
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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