This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
