Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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