The police scanner is talking about you again....
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
