I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
