it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
