i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
