I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just found a bag of teeth...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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