why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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