I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
