so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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