i just google imaged poop.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
