Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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