I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
