Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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