I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
