having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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