Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
