im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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