New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
