Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize