R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I want to walk on stilts...naked
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize