Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
