I hate all girls vehemently.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
