Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you never un-have a 4some
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
