When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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