He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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