i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
