This girl is more easily done than said...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
