she was so not down for the gang bang
Who wears a wallet chain?!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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