If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
