my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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