So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
