That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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