I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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