ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize