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I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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