my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Text me some of your sweat
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
