I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
