He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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