The maid of honor just puked.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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