yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
