My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
They are going to name an STD after you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
