we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
