She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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