...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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