Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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