glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
All I want is dick and wine.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
