Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he high fived his dick after we had sex
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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