Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
