you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
