You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
