There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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