remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what day is it and did you see me today?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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