my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
