when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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