Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
