I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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