eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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