my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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