Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
