We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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