I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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