My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
