as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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