evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I came so hard my ears popped.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
