**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
