Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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