so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
