hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize